dampsandwich:

the entire school was burning down and i had to pull the fire alarm. i sprinted over to it. there was writing on it in permanent ink. it said: if you pull this down you are gay. no way was i pulling the fire alarm anymore

bigstupidbaby:

personally i feel like romeo and juliet could have handled the situation better 

trillow:

there’s some sexual joke to be made from the term ‘finger food’ that’s lying dormant at the bottom of some volcano somewhere, i’m not going to try and make it because i’m a proud mother and don’t really want to be arrested again

sorryforpartybarackin:

its so rude when you try to be nice and hold the door open for people but they won’t come in the stall with you